Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Profile of the Sociopath

Profile of the Sociopath

This website summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths.

  • Glibness and Superficial Charm

  • Manipulative and Conning
    They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.

  • Grandiose Sense of Self
    Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."

  • Pathological Lying
    Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

  • Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
    A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

  • Shallow Emotions
    When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

  • Incapacity for Love

  • Need for Stimulation
    Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

  • Callousness/Lack of Empathy
    Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

  • Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
    Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.

  • Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
    Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.

  • Irresponsibility/Unreliability
    Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

  • Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
    Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.

  • Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
    Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

  • Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
    Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

Other Related Qualities:

  1. Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
  2. Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
  3. Authoritarian
  4. Secretive
  5. Paranoid
  6. Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
  7. Conventional appearance
  8. Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
  9. Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
  10. Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
  11. Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
  12. Incapable of real human attachment to another
  13. Unable to feel remorse or guilt
  14. Extreme narcissism and grandiose
  15. May state readily that their goal is to rule the world

(The above traits are based on the psychopathy checklists of H. Cleckley and R. Hare.)

NOTE: In the 1830's this disorder was called "moral insanity." By 1900 it was changed to "psychopathic personality." More recently it has been termed "antisocial personality disorder" in the DSM-III and DSM-IV. Some critics have complained that, in the attempt to rely only on 'objective' criteria, the DSM has broadened the concept to include too many individuals. The APD category includes people who commit illegal, immoral or self-serving acts for a variety of reasons and are not necessarily psychopaths.

DSM-IV Definition

Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of regard for the moral or legal standards in the local culture. There is a marked inability to get along with others or abide by societal rules. Individuals with this disorder are sometimes called psychopaths or sociopaths.

Diagnostic Criteria (DSM-IV)

1. Since the age of fifteen there has been a disregard for and violation of the right's of others, those right's considered normal by the local culture, as indicated by at least three of the following:
A. Repeated acts that could lead to arrest.
B. Conning for pleasure or profit, repeated lying, or the use of aliases.
C. Failure to plan ahead or being impulsive.
D. Repeated assaults on others.
E. Reckless when it comes to their or others safety.
F. Poor work behavior or failure to honor financial obligations.
G. Rationalizing the pain they inflict on others.

2. At least eighteen years in age.

3. Evidence of a Conduct Disorder, with its onset before the age of fifteen.

4. Symptoms not due to another mental disorder.

Antisocial Personality Disorder Overview (Written by Derek Wood, RN, BSN, PhD Candidate)

Antisocial Personality Disorder results in what is commonly known as a Sociopath. The criteria for this disorder require an ongoing disregard for the rights of others, since the age of 15 years. Some examples of this disregard are reckless disregard for the safety of themselves or others, failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, deceitfulness such as repeated lying or deceit for personal profit or pleasure, and lack of remorse for actions that hurt other people in any way. Additionally, they must have evidenced a Conduct Disorder before the age of 15 years, and must be at least 18 years old to receive this diagnosis.

People with this disorder appear to be charming at times, and make relationships, but to them, these are relationships in name only. They are ended whenever necessary or when it suits them, and the relationships are without depth or meaning, including marriages. They seem to have an innate ability to find the weakness in people, and are ready to use these weaknesses to their own ends through deceit, manipulation, or intimidation, and gain pleasure from doing so.

They appear to be incapable of any true emotions, from love to shame to guilt. They are quick to anger, but just as quick to let it go, without holding grudges. No matter what emotion they state they have, it has no bearing on their future actions or attitudes.

They rarely are able to have jobs that last for any length of time, as they become easily bored, instead needing constant change. They live for the moment, forgetting the past, and not planning the future, not thinking ahead what consequences their actions will have. They want immediate rewards and gratification. There currently is no form of psychotherapy that works with those with antisocial personality disorder, as those with this disorder have no desire to change themselves, which is a prerequisite. No medication is available either. The only treatment is the prevention of the disorder in the early stages, when a child first begins to show the symptoms of conduct disorder.


Psychopath. We hear the word and images of Bernardo, Manson and Dahmer pop into our heads; no doubt Ted Bundy too. But they're the bottom of the barrel -- most of the two million psychopaths in North America aren't murderers. They're our friends, lovers and co-workers. They're outgoing and persuasive, dazzling you with charm and flattery. Often you aren't even aware they've taken you for a ride -- until it's too late.

Psychopaths exhibit a Jekyll and Hyde personality. "They play a part so they can get what they want," says Dr. Sheila Willson, a Toronto psychologist who has helped victims of psychopaths. The guy who showers a woman with excessive attention is much more capable of getting her to lend him money, and to put up with him when he strays. The new employee who gains her co-workers' trust has more access to their chequebooks. And so on. Psychopaths have no conscience and their only goal is self-gratification. Many of us have been their victims -- at work, through friendships or relationships -- and not one of us can say, "a psychopath could never fool me."

Think you can spot one? Think again. In general, psychopaths aren't the product of broken homes or the casualties of a materialistic society. Rather they come from all walks of life and there is little evidence that their upbringing affects them. Elements of a psychopath's personality first become evident at a very early age, due to biological or genetic factors. Explains Michael Seto, a psychologist at the Centre for Addiction and Mental health in Toronto, by the time that a person hits their late teens, the disorder is almost certainly permanent. Although many clinicians use the terms psychopath and sociopath interchangeably, writes psychopath expert Robert Hare on his book 'Without Conscience', a sociopath's criminal behavior is shaped by social forces and is the result of a dysfunctional environment.

Psychopaths have only a shallow range of emotions and lack guilt, says Hare. They often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize with others. "Psychopaths play on the fact that most of us are trusting and forgiving people," adds Seto. The warning signs are always there; it's just difficult to see them because once we trust someone, the friendship becomes a blinder.

Even lovers get taken for a ride by psychopaths. For a psychopath, a romantic relationship is just another opportunity to find a trusting partner who will buy into the lies. It's primarily why a psychopath rarely stays in a relationship for the long term, and often is involved with three or four partners at once, says Willson. To a psychopath, everything about a relationship is a game. Willson refers to the movie 'Sliding Doors' to illustrate her point. In the film, the main character comes home early after just having been fired from her job. Only moments ago, her boyfriend has let another woman out the front door. But in a matter of minutes he is the attentive and concerned boyfriend, taking her out to dinner and devoting the entire night to comforting her. All the while he's planning to leave the next day on a trip with the other woman.

The boyfriend displays typical psychopathic characteristics because he falsely displays deep emotion toward the relationship, says Willson. In reality, he's less concerned with his girlfriend's depression than with making sure she's clueless about the other woman's existence. In the romance department, psychopaths have an ability to gain your affection quickly, disarming you with words, intriguing you with grandiose plans. If they cheat you'll forgive them, and one day when they've gone too far, they'll leave you with a broken heart (and an empty wallet). By then they'll have a new player for their game.

The problem with their game is that we don't often play by their rules. Where we might occasionally tell a white lie, a psychopath's lying is compulsive. Most of us experience some degree of guilt about lying, preventing us from exhibiting such behavior on a regular basis. "Psychopaths don't discriminate who it is they lie to or cheat," says Seto. "There's no distinction between friend, family and sucker."

No one wants to be the sucker, so how do we prevent ourselves from becoming close friends or getting into a relationship with a psychopath? It's really almost impossible, say Seto and Willson. Unfortunately, laments Seto, one way is to become more suspicious and less trusting of others. Our tendency is to forgive when we catch a loved one in a lie. "Psychopaths play on this fact," he says. "However, I'm certainly not advocating a world where if someone lies once or twice, you never speak to them again." What you can do is look at how often someone lies and how they react when caught. Psychopaths will lie over and over again, and where other people would sincerely apologize, a psychopath may apologize but won't stop.

Psychopaths also tend to switch jobs as frequently as they switch partners, mainly because they don't have the qualities to maintain a job for the long haul. Their performance is generally erratic, with chronic absences, misuse of company resources and failed commitments. Often they aren't even qualified for the job and use fake credentials to get it. Seto talks of a patient who would get marketing jobs based on his image; he was a presentable and charming man who layered his conversations with educational and occupational references. But it became evident that the man hadn't a clue what he was talking about, and was unable to hold down a job.

How do you make sure you don't get fooled when you're hiring someone to baby-sit your child or for any other job? Hire based on reputation and not image, says Willson. Check references thoroughly. Psychopaths tend to give vague and inconsistent replies. Of course the best way to solve this problem would be to cure psychopaths of their 'illness.' But there's no recipe for treating them, say psychiatrists. Today's traditional methods of psychotherapy (psychoanalysis, group and one-on-one therapy) and drug treatments have failed. Therapy is more likely to work when an individual admits there's a problem and wants to change. The common problem with psychopaths, says Sets, "Is they don't see a problem with their behavior."

Psychopaths don't seek therapy willingly, says Seto. Rather, they're pushed into it by a desperate relative or by a court order. To a psychopath, a therapist is just one more person who must be conned, and the psychopath plays the part right until the therapist is convinced of his or her 'rehabilitation.'

Even though we can't treat psychopaths effectively with therapy, it doesn't mean we can't protect ourselves, writes Hare. Willson agrees, citing the most important factor in keeping psychopaths at bay is to know your vulnerabilities. We need to "realize our own potential and maximize our strengths" so that our insecurities don't overcome us. Because, she says, a psychopath is a chameleon who becomes "an image of what you haven't done for yourself." Over time, she says, "their appearance of perfection will begin to crack," but by that time you will have been emotionally and perhaps financially scathed. There comes a time when you realize there's no point in searching for answers; the only thing is to move on.

Taken in part from MW -- By Caroline Konrad -- September 1999


These people are mentally ill and extremely dangerous! The following precautions will help to protect you from the destructive acts of which they are capable.

First, to recognize them, keep the following guidelines in mind.

(1) They are habitual liars. They seem incapable of either knowing or telling the truth about anything.

(2) They are egotistical to the point of narcissism. They really believe they are set apart from the rest of humanity by some special grace.

(3) They scapegoat; they are incapable of either having the insight or willingness to accept responsibility for anything they do. Whatever the problem, it is always someone else's fault.

(4) They are remorselessly vindictive when thwarted or exposed.

(5) Genuine religious, moral, or other values play no part in their lives. They have no empathy for others and are capable of violence. Under older psychological terminology, they fall into the category of psychopath or sociopath, but unlike the typical psychopath, their behavior is masked by a superficial social facade.

If you have come into conflict with such a person or persons, do the following immediately!

(1) Notify your friends and relatives of what has happened.

Do not be vague. Name names, and specify dates and circumstances. Identify witnesses if possible and provide supporting documentation if any is available.

(2) Inform the police. The police will do nothing with this information except to keep it on file, since they are powerless to act until a crime has been committed. Unfortunately, that often is usually too late for the victim. Nevertheless, place the information in their hands.

Obviously, if you are assaulted or threatened before witnesses, you can get a restraining order, but those are palliative at best.

(3) Local law enforcement agencies are usually under pressure if wealthy or politically powerful individuals are involved, so include state and federal agencies as well and tell the locals that you have. In my own experience, one agency that can help in a pinch is the Criminal Investigation Division of the Internal Revenue Service or (in Canada) Victims Services at your local police unit. It is not easy to think of the IRS as a potential friend, but a Swedish study showed that malignant types (the Swedes called them bullies) usually commit some felony or other by the age of twenty. If the family is wealthy, the fact may never come to light, but many felonies involve tax evasion, and in such cases, the IRS is interested indeed. If large amounts of money are involved, the IRS may solve all your problems for you. For obvious reasons the Drug Enforcement Agency may also be an appropriate agency to approach. The FBI is an important agency to contact, because although the FBI does not have jurisdiction over murder or assault, if informed, they do have an active interest in any other law enforcement agencies that do not follow through with an honest investigation and prosecution should a murder occur. Civil rights are involved at that point. No local crooked lawyer, judge, or corrupt police official wants to be within a country mile if that comes to light! It is in such cases that wealthy psychopaths discover just how firm the "friends" they count on to cover up for them really are! Even some of the drug cartel biggies will scuttle for cover if someone picks up the brick their thugs hide under. Exposure is bad for business.

(4) Make sure that several of your friends have the information in the event something happens to you. That way, an appropriate investigation will follow if you are harmed. Don't tell other people who has the information, because then something bad could happen to them as well. Instruct friends to take such an incident to the newspapers and other media.

If you are dealing with someone who has considerable money, you must realize that they probably won't try to harm you themselves, they will contract with someone to make the hit. The malignant type is a coward and will not expose himself or herself to personal danger if he or she can avoid it.

Update: A thorough article.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

SATORI on Divine Caroline

SATORI has partnered with Divine Caroline, please check us out there. Divine Caroline is an absolutely wonderful community of women and writers, just like you!
Please feel free to leave comments.
Namaste and Love to all.

About DC:

Who's Caroline? And what's so Divine about her?

We knew early on that we wanted to use a woman's name. It so happens that one of our founders has a dear friend whose name is Caroline. She's a warm, smart, adventurous woman who you'd like instantly. "Caroline" rhymes with Divine - a word that describes every single woman we know who's working to compose a life. So we went with it. But the site isn't about any "one" woman. It's about every woman and the bonds that connect us even though we've never met.


We don't know any perfect women and if we did, we probably wouldn't want to hang around with them. At DivineCaroline, you'll be spending time with women who embrace the fact that life isn't always easy or beautiful or fair. Our dream is to give you a place to come together and express yourselves. What brings you joy. What breaks your heart. Makes you giggle. What pisses you off. Confuses you. Entertains you. What keeps you strong. And if all that sounds too heady, remember we're also discussing stuff like sketchy relatives and good kissers.


Thanks to DivineCaroline's advertisers, it's free to join, read, write, start Forums and pass things along to your friends. In turn, we do ask that you complete a short registration form. We'd also love for you to be on our email list so we can keep the conversation going, but that's entirely up to you.


Generally speaking, we love them. But we wanted to design a place where women rule and all the things that matter to them could be covered every which way. So, while we won't make a big fuss about them, men are welcome to visit and even contribute. In fact, some men probably won't be able to resist coming and seeing what we're up to.


This site is truly a reflection of its Members, so everyone here is eager for your feedback. Just contact us and let us know what you like or dislike. If there's a story you want us to pursue or a poll you want us to take, please let us know. And finally thank you for taking the time to read about us.

All the best,

The creators of DivineCaroline


RGM is the brainchild of Kate Everett Thorp. You can read about Kate and the three other founders at


Real Girls Media Network, Inc. is a privately held company backed by 3i and WaldenVC.


575 Market St., Ninth Floor
San Francisco, CA 94105
Phone: 415.295.8500
Fax: 415.295.8580

Incest and rape made me think I surely had no future in this world, in my body, in my self. Yet, there was a tiny seedling I held in my heart. A spark lived even as my father raped me, and it was one of wanting, a vision of a vibrant future, filled with laughing children, stars and color, hearts that loved, hearts that mended, safe hands. This propelled me along fiercely, I never let it go. I came close a few times, but I did not let go. No matter what he took from me, what my mind and spirit held he could never take. Something within me has always known wholeness. Something within me recognized wholeness early on, that is why I believe I was able to see it in and feel it to begin with. I recognized it because it was already in me. I want all who have been through the trauma of sexual abuse, incest, rape, and parental abandonment to know that you are capable of healing!

SATORI Explained

Who Are We?

Founded by Mother Bear, Surviver to Thriver Advocate, Artist and Writer Sarah Elise Stauffer, SATORI aims to propagate healing in those traumatized by rape, incest, sexual abuse, and parental abandonment.

You are a Survivor, now what?
Thrive, Flourish, Bloom, Blossom, that's what!
Sarah Elise Stauffer founded SATORI, Sexual Abuse Thrivers of Rape and Incest, enkindled by her own incredible path of healing from incest, sexual abuse, rape, kidnapping, abandonment, and emotional violence, which began as a 2 year old and lasted until the age of 11.
HOWEVER, SATORI believes healing is for everyone, and reclaiming our soul light includes all kinds of profound and neato things, like:
feeling a sense of afterglow (Yes, YOU!!), living in full bloom, minimizing the effects of panic, anxiety, PTSD, depression, shame, sexual issues, guilt, self-harm by way of and through negative thinking patterns. We heal by enabling ourselves to blossom, blush, embracing our brilliance we have been denying to secretly stay loyal to the image of ourselves that our abuser gave us..(fat, ugly, incapable of stability, will never find success, never attain a healthy marriage or relationship, never be a healthy parent, never be deserving of love, stupid, weak, crazy, sex-crazed, frigid, damaged, sick, weird, pick one, or a few.)We heal by allowing ourselves to feel our freedom once we are liberated from sick incest family systems, we allow ourselves to experience passion, to burn with passion, effulgence, gleaming with self-love, letting our eyes glimmer, choosing to live with gusto, basking in our incandescence, embracing the intensity of the waves of healing, opening our hearts to our own luminosity, passion, phosphorescence, radiance, splendor, vividness, warmth.. Shall I go on?
SATORI is a state of sudden spiritual enlightenment which Sarah experienced one night during a semi-sleep state. She has been thinking of ways to express her ideas about moving beyond just surviving. She was reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, a favorite writer of hers. The word is in the book, and jumped out at her. She had seen the word on her husband's shirt 10 years previous to this night. The word literally woke her up, and the rest flowed out almost divinely.
This is what she wrote as about the experience at 2 a.m:
"I have just experienced an awakening, total clarity. SATORI is my new baby, born of a need to express my story of victim, to survival, to thriving and flourishing after many years of horrific abuse. SATORI is Sexual Abuse Thrivers Of Rape and Incest. My mentor Eve Ensler and Angela Shelton inspire me, and I wanted to find my own path. I am ready to share it.
In recent years, I have created a more intimate relationship with LIGHT. Transmutation of our darkness, our wounds, our self destructiveness through LIGHT. Light, I once at the age of 12 wrote an essay called MY LITTLE BOX OF LIGHT. Two years after I was raped by a family member, I wrote this essay. What a wonderful little girl, feeling her light even after such horror. Well, we all are, we all were, and we all can be again. We must fight for our light.

I believe that survival is not all there is. Thriving is the next step in healing our wounds and sending that healing to one another and into this world. The word Satori came to me as I was falling asleep. I read A New Earth after being somewhat 'led' to it at Barnes and Noble. I ran my hands along the shelves and felt an inescapable urge to PICK IT UP. I knew I had to read it. I flipped it open and the first word I saw on the page was SATORI. I felt chills. I knew the word from my studies of Buddhism and from a tee shirt my husband wore when we first met. (Meeting him was very much a satori moment.)
Satori roughly translates into individual Enlightenment, or a flash of sudden awareness. Satori is as well an intuitive experience. I also love it because I am all about where we can go beyond survivorhood. My personal journey has led me to this place, a whole new realm of awakening.
My favorite singer and musical mother happens to be TORI Amos as well, so Sarah, SA and TORI, well you get it!
I want to spread healing and solace to the world. Being HEAL-THY is about healing thyself. It's up to us. I long to comfort you who have been so hurt as I too have been. I have known that I had within me an essential drive to share my story, to scream in outrage, to release fury for all the suffering of so many of us as children, and to help others heal ....BEYOND survivorship, and transform into THRIVERS. The power of verbalization is immense, I believe transformation takes place only if we can tell the truth about what really happened to us. Repression is a coping mechanism we need as children, for the mind can not process such terror as children. But what serves us now is exhuming the remnants of our souls, facing the truth about those who hurt us, those who should have protected us, and crossing that river from victim, to survivor, to
th(river). Please join me in this project. It is the culmination of my own satori moment. This is my way of transmuting the terror that I have carried, of creating space for others to heal by speaking out, to empower everyone I can any way I can.
When I received this flash, this satori moment tonight, I jumped out of bed and began my new work. I have been a survivor for years, a victim for years, and thriving for quite awhile. Lately, many things have brought me to this manifestation point. Tonight was different, a deeper awakening.
Having this experience, I no longer see the world in the same way. I have a different perception of life, of my life, of my abuse, of your abuse, of what it means to not only be victimized, to cross the river into survivorhood, but to THRIVE. And no I do not mean la la land, blissed out
24- 7 bullshit. I mean creating a healed life, crawling into the darkest caverns of pain and grief, rebirthing ourselves, finding our true essence, learning what normal is, redefining what it means to heal, creating an atmosphere of harmony, de-cluttering the spirit, reclaiming our right to feel a connection to the universe and/or a higer power, de-brainwashing ourselves from all the crap we absorbed from the abuse, and letting that inborn light we all have fill us again. This is the way it came to me. I am here to share it with you!

With Love, Sarah"
  • SATORI is not unrealistic, believe me. SATORI tells the raw truth about incest, sexual abuse, rape, and mother/father abandonment. We face the darkness and grotesque realities of what little girls and boys go through when abused. For years I could not say I was RAPED. I was KIDNAPPED. Yet, I was and just because it was my own father does not mean it was not a "real" rape or kidnapping. Saying what it is true heals. Verbalizing the truth, word by petrified word.
  • We happily violate the cultural taboo of silence that surrounds incest. We believe in VERBALIZATION OF THE TRUTH, WHICH TRANSFORMS US. Verbalization equals transformation. Verbalization makes us fierce with the reality of what we endured. We must find our light so that we may illuminate the darkness of the abuse. SATORI promotes speaking out as much as possible about the attempted soul murder taking place in the lives of 1/3 girls and 1/5 boys.
  • We truly believe that each person born has innate light that can never be stolen by an abuser, that we abused we end up with distorted perceptions of ourselves. We begin to believe the lie of incest, sexual abuse, rape, and parental abandonment. Our light can never be stolen, we only think it can. SATORI aims to undo that damage and show the way of flourishing.

    Main Entry:
    Part of Speech:
    verb(yes, it's a verb, and it means we have to work at it.)
    advance, arrive, batten, bear fruit, bloom, blossom, boom, burgeon, come on, develop, flourish,get on, get places, get there*, grow, grow rich, home free, increase, make hay, make it, progress, prosper, radiate, rise, shine, shoot up, succeed, wax
  • We speak out about the effects being abandoned by a parent, you can love your parent and still tell the truth about what happened. Many survivors have been abandoned by a Mother and then incested by Dad. Learning to hold complicit or 'nonoffending' parents accountable is a huge part of setting oneself free from self-persecution. Otherwise we will project onto ourselves what is not ours to own.
  • We use art, poetry, music, and other art forms to reclaim our birthright to healthy, delicious, ecstatic sexual light. Rebirthing our light includes the blossoming of our right to a beautiful and healthy sexuality. We talk about living well and healthfully.
  • Our main message is that healing is possible, it is about conscious choice, being willing to have the courage to face what has happened to you, break ties if you need to, believing in your own light, ripping out that old family tree and planting your brand new seedling, one free of secrets and lies, learning how incest family dynamics work, and rediscovering how to love the child within. We are all born with what I call our little box of light, a gem that can NEVER be stolen or snuffed out. We are abused and tortured which shifts our perception of ourselves, we see ourselves distorted, energetically we absorb the projections of our abusers as the hurt us and we turn that against ourselves. We are porous, we absorb their shame, their dirtiness, their self hatred. We can release that self-perception and rebirth our light. We can smile at ourselves, love our bodies, love one another, feel safe, and function well. Survivors can absolutely create loving relationships, raise children, experience immense joy in life, Our light is divine and unbreakable. We must return home to our own souls and find it, we have to fight for our light and teach and guide others to do the same.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Sunlight Is Good for Your Health

Sunlight Is Good for Your Health, from Gimundo:

We've always been told to stay out of the sun, lest we catch skin cancer or worse, begin to resemble the leathery neighbor lady in There's Something About Mary. But according to several new studies, there could be some great advantages to catching some rays: among them, a reduced risk in heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and numerous other diseases (that bronzed look is just gravy).

You don't want to bake yourself on the beach, of course - 20 minutes in the sunlight will suffice, and we always recommend sunscreen. But according to new research, sunshine can provide high levels of vitamin D, which has strong associations with a reduced risk of many diseases. Although no one's managed to prove vitamin D is directly accountable for the health benefits, "what's wrong with keeping an adequate level of vitamin D in the blood in case it is?" asks biochemist Hector DeLuca of the University of Wisconsin in The Los Angeles Times.

If you'd rather keep covered this summer, you can still gain the potential health benefits from vitamin D by drinking plenty of milk, eating oily fish, or taking a supplement pill. Otherwise, we'll meet you at the beach.

Thought For Today

Healing is a return to love. Illness and death are often painful lessons in how much we love, but they are lessons nonetheless. Sometimes it takes the knife that emotionally pierces our heart, to pierce the walls that lie in front of it.

—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles

Emerson said that death is often the kindest way to lose a person. This applies very much to my feelings about family members who are still alive and who have yet to become accountable, available emotionally, or on our side at all in a supportive and protective way. This Father's Day, it was all about my husband. He has never met his father, so the day is a loaded one for both of us, and yet we MADE it about us in the now. The picture of me above smelling lilies from my hubs is a great visual for the healing that takes place when we move forward, remaking certain days and events as our own and thus reclaiming them. He is a wonderful, emotionally in tune and available force in our children's lives, so we celebrate that. I picked him! We celebrate that. And we are giving our children the legacy of love we never had ourselves as children. We celebrate that. I hope everyone was able to get through the day and hopefully, celebrate some small miracle.