Sunday, November 18, 2007

YOUR SILENCE IS THE FEAR



TELLING YOUR STORY: YOUR SILENCE IS THE FEAR, SHAME, SHOCK, GUILT..AND WHEN YOU TELL YOU RELEASE YOURSELF FROM BEING SILENCED. DO NOT SILENCE YOURSELF. IT'S SO DIFFICULT, BUT REMEMBER, WHEN YOU GET IT OUT OF YOU, WORD BY WORD, IT LESSENS THE POWER THAT THE ABUSE HOLDS OVER YOU, BECAUSE IT IS NO LONGER IN YOU, BUT OUTSIDE OF YOU, IN YOUR WORDS. TELLING YOUR STORY IS MORE THAN JUST ADMITTING THERE WAS ABUSE. TELLING YOUR TRUTH MEANS REALLY GETTING INTO WHAT HAPPENED. WORD BY WORD.
The thing about telling is that telling a profound truth such as incest, rape, or other egregious acts against us creates a ripple. That telling leads to more telling, and more realizing what really happens in these situations. Then pretty soon you are amazed at the rage you feel over people who did nothing, and rage at your abuser for humiliating you and trying to kill your soul.

Tell. the. story. words. say. them. out. loud. raped me. mouth. inside. burning. hurt. slicing. tellitnow.

"She touched my vagina, he slid me up and down on his leg in the bathtub while my mom was at home, (Hey there's one of mine!!)he put his mouth on my mouth, etc"

THIS QUOTE IS WHAT PUSHED ME TO TELL MY COMPLETE STORY, UNCENSORED, AND I DID NOT WAIT UNTIL THERE WAS NO FEAR OR SHAME, OR I WOULD NEVER HAVE SPOKEN. THIS QUOTE AND A DEAR FRIEND WHO ACTUALLY ASKED ME "WHAT EXACTLY DID HE DO TO YOU?" AFTER AWHILE, NOT TELLING IS SIMPLY GIVING IN TO FEAR AND MUTILATING YOUR OWN VOICE.


Your silence will not protect you. -Audre Lourde

(but it sure as hell protects your abuser)

"Each time I tell my story, it becomes easier to live with the truth. The event has less hold over my life. The wound to the soul is healing." Charlotte Pierce-Baker, author of Surviving the Silence

Please reach out for help, you are worth it. TELL, please. tell it. Verbalization of emotion actually affects one's hormones and brain chemistry! Give that sweet child that you were, or woman you were, or man you are, or boy you were, the power to speak, to say NO, Fuck you, to tell the truth! You may not have been able to tell on the abuser then, but damn it you sure can tell on him or her now!

I really have "ratted you out", Dad! You weak little bastard who got off on raping your child orally, rectally, and vaginally.


"Of course I am afraid, because the transformation of silence into language in action is an act of self-revelation, and that always seems fraught with danger. But my daughter, when I told her of our topic and my difficulty with it, said, 'Tell them about how you're never really a whole person if you remain silent, because there's always that one little piece inside you that wants to be spoken out, and if you keep ignoring it, it gets madder and madder and hotter and hotter, and if you don't speak it out, one day it will just up and punch you in the mouth from the inside'." -Audre Lorde, Sister Outsider

It punches us in the mouth from the inside by negative thought patterns that we act out, starving ourselves, cutting, drugs, the list goes on!
Many Blessings!
Love SES

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

s, this is powerful. i'm scared to talk. scared to get it out. i will though. this helps me so much. you are so supportive, without losing compassion. obvious you are where you are because you push yourself to move thru the fear, thank you cause jsut saying i was molested is not the same as telling the truth out loud over and over...i clam up when i try to talk..

Sarah Elise said...

right, you clam up, what is symbolic about that?

Anonymous said...

omfg! just like when i was young and could not say shit.

Sarah Elise said...

right! see, you know what you know. you ARE capable of having as angela puts it a big mouth...and you can do it! you are powerful, whip smart, and your abuser is not allowed to shut you up anymore! love you.